Experiencing Backdraft in Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC)

We are at the second week of the 8 week program on Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) delivered by Dalida at the BMC. As I am learning about the theory and the practice of MSC, I keep being amazed by the thoughtfulness of this program in terms of creating a safe space for the participants.

During this second class we learned about facing resistance and backdraft when practicing MSC. 

Did that ever happen to you to observe arising difficult sensations and emotions while meditating? Perhaps you faced a terrible anger, or you got into fear. When practicing Mindful Self Compassion, facing difficult emotions is inevitable, and I would like to explore in this article the reason why we experience them, and how to face them - I am confident that this can also help people who practice other sorts of meditation.

1. Why do unpleasant emotions arise when we try to give compassion to ourselves?

One reason is that we require contrast  to know anything - light/dark, high/low, hot/cold. Self-compassion works by creating contrast in the relational matrix of our lives. 

When we give ourselves unconditional love, we discover the conditions under which we were unloved.

Dr. Chris Germer

If I say to myself "May I love myself just as I am", I may remember old messages telling me the opposite: "Don't be so full of yourself!", "There you go again, you're always getting it wrong."

Love reveals everything unlike itself

Dr. Chris Germer

Dr. Chris Germer, one of the creator of the MSC program, came up with a metaphor for this : backdraft.  Backdraft is a term in firefighting which relates to the fire in closed area that are depleted from oxygen. At that time fire is small, there is mostly smoke but the moment we open the door there will be an explosion due to oxygen flow. 

Explanation of the backdraft

In the same way, when the door of our heart opens with self-compassion there might be a surge of old pain and suppressed emotions from old wounds that we have pushed back aside in order to function in daily life. It is important to keep in mind that those painful emotions are not created by the process of self-compassion, they are simply being re-experienced. 

Another image to illustrate this experience is the one of ice cold hands. Just imagine staying in the cold for a long time, your hand turning ice cold, and then coming into a warm room. Your hands will probably hurt when they start to warm up. 

ice cold hands

We can notice when our backdraft mode is being activated:

Mentally -  with thoughts arising e.g. “I’m all alone.” “I’m a failure.” “I’m unworthy.”

Emotionally - shame, grief, fear

Physically - noticing body memories, aches, pains

It is natural to feel resistance to backdraft and you may become aware of that when you experience:

• Muscle Tension

• Social Isolation

• Over-Intellectualising

• Physical Agitation

• Withdrawal

• Criticism Of Oneself Or Others

• Dissociation/Spacing-Out

2. How to face a backdraft?

Here are a few of the many strategies to use when you become mindfully aware of backdraft. Regulate your attention by...

1. Labeling the experience: “Oh, this is backdraft!”

2. Naming the strongest emotion that is present during the backdraft and validating it with loving kindness: “Ah, that is grief”

3. Bring attention to the parts of the body that are activated as the emotion arises and offer yourself soothing touch

4. Redirect attention:

   • Inside the body (e.g. breath)

   • Sensations that are located further away (e.g. soles of the feet)

   • What is present in your surrounding at that moment (e.g. sounds you are hearing etc.). Explore what brings most ease to you.

If intensity of emotions does not soothe from the practice of regulating attention then bring self-compassion to your daily life by:

1. Picking an ordinary activity (while drinking a cup of tea, brushing your teeth, taking a shower)

2. Choosing one sensory experience - e.g. taste or smell

3. Immersing yourself in the experience - fully engage in savoring the experience and nourishing your senses

4. Bring gentle, friendly awareness to the activity until it is completed

Be gentle with yourself, and remember: if you struggle, it is not self-compassion. 

Mindfully yours, Julia

MSc in general engineering
Certified Montessori educator
NVC trainer & coach

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